Swain, Cecil

Name: Cecil Swain
Born: 1959
Occupation: Astrologer and spiritualist 

Cecil lives in a small cottage with his spirit guide, Nigel. The cottage is supposedly situated on an intersection of some powerful lay lines, which bisect in Cecil’s bathroom, exactly where the toilet pan is plumbed in. He claims this is why he has his most powerful visions when sat on the loo. Skeptics think it has more to do with the pink mushrooms he grows in his garden which he stews into a lethal curry every Friday night.   

He is famous for his past life revelations and for wearing silver suits with mystical symbols.   

He runs a spiritual retreat where AIBOs can learn how to reach their inner spiritual self. £1095 DB&B for 5 nights. Don’t touch the mushroom wine.